As I write this, we are days away from flying to Haiti.  We are preparing as well as can be expected and my to-do list now has more checkmarks than empty boxes.

1. Got current passport?  Check!

2. Got all immunizations?  Typhoid, Hep A, Hep B, etc. Check!

3. Got medications?  Cholera, e.coli, malaria, motion sickness, anti-diarrheal, personal prescriptions?  Check!

4. Got work clothes (long pants and sleeves because of mosquitoes)?  Check!

5. Got sunscreen and insect repellant?  Check!

6. Got mesh net to sleep under? (Did I mention the mosquitoes?)  Check!

7. Got fears about what I will encounter?  Check!

8. Got concern about being in a country where I don't speak the language? Check!

9. Got worries that I wasn't necessarily the best choice of people God could have sent? Check!

10. Got a great CUMC team with me that I know will lift me up in love?  Check!

11. Got faith that God will show me what I need to do?  Check!

12. Got certainty that God doesn't make mistakes and somehow feels that even though I'm broken and unworthy, he can use me for His purpose? Check!

     Along with my mini pharmacy, my mosquito-fighting and sun-busting arsenal, and all my necessary documents, I carry with me uncertainty about what I will encounter.  It is daunting to be used by God.  Somehow He has chosen to use me over the years on missions in Mexico and Brazil, each one rewarding and humbling.  But I am certain that given the desperate situation still present in Haiti, this trip will be different.  I believe I will come face to face with God in a way I never have before, and that is a scary thing.  Wonderful, life-changing and humbling, yes.  But terrifying as well.  I know this trip will change me.  I want this trip to change me.  And I am terrified this trip will change me.  But I can't help but be excited about meeting the wonderful, fascinating people of Haiti.  I am excited about bringing them some form of hope, comfort, and a small step toward normalcy.  I feel as if 9 days is too small of a window to make a huge difference.  And I am too small of a person to make a huge impact.  But a mustard seed is small.  And my God is so very big.

Pam Sproul